Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
