Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
