Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
