were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
