I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
