Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry MisterAwesome hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(845): View more from New York

Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

Fav 24 2986 1241
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater

Fav 17 3609 1382
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

Fav 12 5114 1451
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

Fav 24 5945 1372
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.

Fav 6 3155 1305
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

Fav 5 2739 1065
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(805): View more from California

I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.

Fav 4 1048 1564
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(413): View more from Massachusetts

Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.

Fav 7 928 819
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies

Fav 0 102 72
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT