I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
