i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
