The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
