just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
