Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize