Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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