Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
