talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
