Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a drive thru vagina
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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