My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So vagazzling was a success
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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