Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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