I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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