I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
