dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
