Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
