Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
