I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
