I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
