I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
