I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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