I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
