spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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