wat bout pragnant strippers??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
