Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
