i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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