At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
