walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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