Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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