about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
