oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
