Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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