We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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