So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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