the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
