What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
