and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize