My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they need to just BURY HIM!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize