This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
