You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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