he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
