I think i peed on brittanys purse
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize