hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
