I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
