You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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