don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
