Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
