He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
