Jerry, you need to find god
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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