Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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