I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
