i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
