He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
