the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
