Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize