I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
