I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
