your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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