you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
