I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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