my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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