No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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