alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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